My Addiction

This addiction of mine runs deep... It consumes my entire structure as a being...
This habit is so real it cant be shaken nor anything else be this addictive.
I crave for it, its the air that I breathe...
My existance as unique as unique as I am, depends on this daily hit I receive...
its like taking a drag on the holy herb, it calms my fears and settlers my undenyable craving I have...
This habit does not forget to show symptoms of this addiction I have...
I tell you, it runs deep...
its what I yearn for each night spent alone, each long and troubled day...
Its all I need to make it through long winded days...
Its like the rush taht erupts from an ecstacy, I cant do without...
yes my habit runs deep..

My addiction to you is stronger than any pipe, any hit, any needle and glue...
It consumes me

My habit...

My addiction...

My reason for life...

Is that daily dose I get from you...

I tell you, my addiction runs deep

SO much has happened

Things change right? all the time...but sometimes you dont want it to...

My life changed so quickly after losing baby T. I know I shouldnt wallow, but Im not wallowing, im speaking bout it, well writing, after all, she was my lil black dot. It helps me in alot of ways, speaking about it, cos I never have the guts to speak bout it to anyone.

It still hurts.

I thought I would be over it by now, but everytime I see someone elses tummy alil something inside of me falls. I cant help for this. I really cant.

Things with X baby daddy, is kind of really nice. We have this understanding. I dont even know how it works but it just does. We not together, i like it this way. There's no "where you going, with who, what you doing, you cant go there"... it just flows which ever way the river goes...

We dont speak about our baby we lost...but we did once, we both just agreed that God knew we werent ready and He didnt want us to raise the baby the way we would have ended up raising her. He wanted a family for her, not a single mother and whorelike father... so thats what comforts me abit.

So things has changed since then.. I cant wait to expect again someday, and the next time it'll be perfect...lol, i even miss the terrible morning sickness I had. Its so strange...

Silly Season Sucks

Its been weeks I know... but I havent abandoned ya'll...not a day has gone by that I havent thougth of posting....lol...this sounds like a love letter sent from someone in the army or navy...lol..

But now really, I've been really busy... work, social life, family...its all been haywire... oh then theres the fact that I've been blocked from blogging at work... yeah I know it sucks...but im so connected again...

Approaching christmas and all I cant help but to feel sad...i hate the silly season...its good for fellow journalists, but for me..i just hate it...
All that jollyness and extensive usage of unnecessary money...I dont see the point...people dont even know the meaning of Christmas anymore...they all forgot...

But I hate it for many reasons... we've tried avoiding it... we never get anywhere... like this year, my girls decided on a road trip far far away...as you thought, it faded...to much things changed in a short time, some people have to work, others are expecting, its just this huge series of unfortunate events. Therefore I'll be hating this season even more...

This year Im planning to do the following:
1-catch up on lost sleeping time.
2.Laze around at home and do absolutely nothing.
3.Wash myself when Im in the mood to...
4.Read...I like reading
5.Go to chapel on Christmas..I think i can do with some spiritual upliftment.
6.Hang out with my family...since Ive been neglecting them alot
7.Avoid x baby daddy... but that'll probably never happen
8.Annoy my best friend and baby D... all the time
9.Wallow...

So this is my silly season plan... just because I hate it.