This addiction of mine runs deep... It consumes my entire structure as a being...
This habit is so real it cant be shaken nor anything else be this addictive.
I crave for it, its the air that I breathe...
My existance as unique as unique as I am, depends on this daily hit I receive...
its like taking a drag on the holy herb, it calms my fears and settlers my undenyable craving I have...
This habit does not forget to show symptoms of this addiction I have...
I tell you, it runs deep...
its what I yearn for each night spent alone, each long and troubled day...
Its all I need to make it through long winded days...
Its like the rush taht erupts from an ecstacy, I cant do without...
yes my habit runs deep..
My addiction to you is stronger than any pipe, any hit, any needle and glue...
It consumes me
My habit...
My addiction...
My reason for life...
Is that daily dose I get from you...
I tell you, my addiction runs deep
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
SO much has happened
Things change right? all the time...but sometimes you dont want it to...
My life changed so quickly after losing baby T. I know I shouldnt wallow, but Im not wallowing, im speaking bout it, well writing, after all, she was my lil black dot. It helps me in alot of ways, speaking about it, cos I never have the guts to speak bout it to anyone.
It still hurts.
I thought I would be over it by now, but everytime I see someone elses tummy alil something inside of me falls. I cant help for this. I really cant.
Things with X baby daddy, is kind of really nice. We have this understanding. I dont even know how it works but it just does. We not together, i like it this way. There's no "where you going, with who, what you doing, you cant go there"... it just flows which ever way the river goes...
We dont speak about our baby we lost...but we did once, we both just agreed that God knew we werent ready and He didnt want us to raise the baby the way we would have ended up raising her. He wanted a family for her, not a single mother and whorelike father... so thats what comforts me abit.
So things has changed since then.. I cant wait to expect again someday, and the next time it'll be perfect...lol, i even miss the terrible morning sickness I had. Its so strange...
My life changed so quickly after losing baby T. I know I shouldnt wallow, but Im not wallowing, im speaking bout it, well writing, after all, she was my lil black dot. It helps me in alot of ways, speaking about it, cos I never have the guts to speak bout it to anyone.
It still hurts.
I thought I would be over it by now, but everytime I see someone elses tummy alil something inside of me falls. I cant help for this. I really cant.
Things with X baby daddy, is kind of really nice. We have this understanding. I dont even know how it works but it just does. We not together, i like it this way. There's no "where you going, with who, what you doing, you cant go there"... it just flows which ever way the river goes...
We dont speak about our baby we lost...but we did once, we both just agreed that God knew we werent ready and He didnt want us to raise the baby the way we would have ended up raising her. He wanted a family for her, not a single mother and whorelike father... so thats what comforts me abit.
So things has changed since then.. I cant wait to expect again someday, and the next time it'll be perfect...lol, i even miss the terrible morning sickness I had. Its so strange...
Silly Season Sucks
Its been weeks I know... but I havent abandoned ya'll...not a day has gone by that I havent thougth of posting....lol...this sounds like a love letter sent from someone in the army or navy...lol..
But now really, I've been really busy... work, social life, family...its all been haywire... oh then theres the fact that I've been blocked from blogging at work... yeah I know it sucks...but im so connected again...
Approaching christmas and all I cant help but to feel sad...i hate the silly season...its good for fellow journalists, but for me..i just hate it...
All that jollyness and extensive usage of unnecessary money...I dont see the point...people dont even know the meaning of Christmas anymore...they all forgot...
But I hate it for many reasons... we've tried avoiding it... we never get anywhere... like this year, my girls decided on a road trip far far away...as you thought, it faded...to much things changed in a short time, some people have to work, others are expecting, its just this huge series of unfortunate events. Therefore I'll be hating this season even more...
This year Im planning to do the following:
1-catch up on lost sleeping time.
2.Laze around at home and do absolutely nothing.
3.Wash myself when Im in the mood to...
4.Read...I like reading
5.Go to chapel on Christmas..I think i can do with some spiritual upliftment.
6.Hang out with my family...since Ive been neglecting them alot
7.Avoid x baby daddy... but that'll probably never happen
8.Annoy my best friend and baby D... all the time
9.Wallow...
So this is my silly season plan... just because I hate it.
But now really, I've been really busy... work, social life, family...its all been haywire... oh then theres the fact that I've been blocked from blogging at work... yeah I know it sucks...but im so connected again...
Approaching christmas and all I cant help but to feel sad...i hate the silly season...its good for fellow journalists, but for me..i just hate it...
All that jollyness and extensive usage of unnecessary money...I dont see the point...people dont even know the meaning of Christmas anymore...they all forgot...
But I hate it for many reasons... we've tried avoiding it... we never get anywhere... like this year, my girls decided on a road trip far far away...as you thought, it faded...to much things changed in a short time, some people have to work, others are expecting, its just this huge series of unfortunate events. Therefore I'll be hating this season even more...
This year Im planning to do the following:
1-catch up on lost sleeping time.
2.Laze around at home and do absolutely nothing.
3.Wash myself when Im in the mood to...
4.Read...I like reading
5.Go to chapel on Christmas..I think i can do with some spiritual upliftment.
6.Hang out with my family...since Ive been neglecting them alot
7.Avoid x baby daddy... but that'll probably never happen
8.Annoy my best friend and baby D... all the time
9.Wallow...
So this is my silly season plan... just because I hate it.
Monday, November 17, 2008
What a beautiful day
Yesterday, was so amazing
It was a really nice day, i mean the sun came to visit properly, for the entire day, he's been absent for a really long time, I think he still thinks its winter. But it came to visit, and when we saw how beautiful the day was gonna be, we fled to the beach... the hole city was at the beach yesterday.
Its normal here, people just love to braai and swim and lay in the sun and get really drunk LOL... Thats how our people enjoy themselves. and when they really intoxicated they are so confident that they swim better, and well thats another story, cos usually it ends up with almost drownings. the lifeguards get soooo pissed off.
anyway, we packed up early, got all the things in order, and left... just me and the family. it was so nice... we never do things as a family, we basically live past eachother, so when we do do things, we try to make it really fun and treasure it. we never really know when we get the chance again.
My lil nephew had his first visit to the beach, his 6months old... i love that kid... he keeps you so busy, but i like it. we took him to the water in his lil batman swimsuit, lol, he looked so cute. he screamed like hell when his foot touched the water...bang gat- i think he belongs with Gia- but it was fun.
All the drunkards were in the tidle pool... i just looked at them from a distance, there was no way i was gonna play lifeguard... if they wanna drown, let them.. no-one almost died while we were there.
Instead I played for the other team... I was sober... then i swam, then i drank... lol... a day at the beach isnt a right day without the booze. I laid around the rest of the day...i actually missed x baby daddy, he woulda braaid and we woulda found a deserted spot and make out, woulda been fun, but he was somewhere...
I had such a lovely day... but my nephew got kinda real sick and was rushed to hospital during the night... not a good end to a beautiful day... but he will be ok, and thats all that matters.
It was a really nice day, i mean the sun came to visit properly, for the entire day, he's been absent for a really long time, I think he still thinks its winter. But it came to visit, and when we saw how beautiful the day was gonna be, we fled to the beach... the hole city was at the beach yesterday.
Its normal here, people just love to braai and swim and lay in the sun and get really drunk LOL... Thats how our people enjoy themselves. and when they really intoxicated they are so confident that they swim better, and well thats another story, cos usually it ends up with almost drownings. the lifeguards get soooo pissed off.
anyway, we packed up early, got all the things in order, and left... just me and the family. it was so nice... we never do things as a family, we basically live past eachother, so when we do do things, we try to make it really fun and treasure it. we never really know when we get the chance again.
My lil nephew had his first visit to the beach, his 6months old... i love that kid... he keeps you so busy, but i like it. we took him to the water in his lil batman swimsuit, lol, he looked so cute. he screamed like hell when his foot touched the water...bang gat- i think he belongs with Gia- but it was fun.
All the drunkards were in the tidle pool... i just looked at them from a distance, there was no way i was gonna play lifeguard... if they wanna drown, let them.. no-one almost died while we were there.
Instead I played for the other team... I was sober... then i swam, then i drank... lol... a day at the beach isnt a right day without the booze. I laid around the rest of the day...i actually missed x baby daddy, he woulda braaid and we woulda found a deserted spot and make out, woulda been fun, but he was somewhere...
I had such a lovely day... but my nephew got kinda real sick and was rushed to hospital during the night... not a good end to a beautiful day... but he will be ok, and thats all that matters.
Friday, November 14, 2008
MXIT lows
i like mxit...no wait i love mxit...
It connects me to all my favourite people... Gia especially, I cant survive a day without talking to her, i will die...
But theres just some thing that really pisses me off about the site itself...
1. The famous "DC"- I hate being dc- u right in the middle of an important, life and death convo and boom...just like that it shuts u out... by the time u get back on, that person doesnt wanna repeat themselves, they lost all interest in u by then...that sucks...
2. People just dotn get it... If i delete you, dont re-invite me. What is the point, i deleted you for a reason, dont come acting as if we old buddies or worse...pretend u dont know who i am... that annoys me
3. There nothing worse than logging in and u have a pending invite from someone you've deleted. U know what I do... I ignore u... that way, u cant re-invite me again... haha
4. ooh, another thing i hate is being sent a message by mistake... cmon now, i dont wanna be reading your skanky convos with other people, get it right...
5. point 4 is sometimes done purposely, just because people tend to wanna say something to you but dont have the guts then they pretend they telling someone else...now that so MATURE hey.
6. Spreading of contacts... Guys are the worse.. they always tend to give your contact to their friends... i hate it... if i wanted your friends to invite me i would have said so... keeping up with me dudes????
7. Multimixes are cool, just dont get boring on me... sometimes u find the worse people in the multimix and they just think they are so cool...
and most importantly
8. guys suck... they use mxit to pick up girls...they the smoothest things on the block on mxit...but meet them then they cant even say two words to ya... Geez thst works on my nerves...
And those are the things i hate about mxit...
It connects me to all my favourite people... Gia especially, I cant survive a day without talking to her, i will die...
But theres just some thing that really pisses me off about the site itself...
1. The famous "DC"- I hate being dc- u right in the middle of an important, life and death convo and boom...just like that it shuts u out... by the time u get back on, that person doesnt wanna repeat themselves, they lost all interest in u by then...that sucks...
2. People just dotn get it... If i delete you, dont re-invite me. What is the point, i deleted you for a reason, dont come acting as if we old buddies or worse...pretend u dont know who i am... that annoys me
3. There nothing worse than logging in and u have a pending invite from someone you've deleted. U know what I do... I ignore u... that way, u cant re-invite me again... haha
4. ooh, another thing i hate is being sent a message by mistake... cmon now, i dont wanna be reading your skanky convos with other people, get it right...
5. point 4 is sometimes done purposely, just because people tend to wanna say something to you but dont have the guts then they pretend they telling someone else...now that so MATURE hey.
6. Spreading of contacts... Guys are the worse.. they always tend to give your contact to their friends... i hate it... if i wanted your friends to invite me i would have said so... keeping up with me dudes????
7. Multimixes are cool, just dont get boring on me... sometimes u find the worse people in the multimix and they just think they are so cool...
and most importantly
8. guys suck... they use mxit to pick up girls...they the smoothest things on the block on mxit...but meet them then they cant even say two words to ya... Geez thst works on my nerves...
And those are the things i hate about mxit...
Political Turmoil
Who is planning to vote next year?
Voter registrations was open last week... did u even notice? to be honest I know alot about politics in this country, but I chose not to remember it was registration. I purposely blocked it from my brain... why? cos it really doesnt not matter if I vote or not... atleast thats what i thought.
If anyone has been following our politics, everyone should know how messy this country has been lately, im talking bout break-away parties, government asking the president to resign without completing his presidency term which ends next year, i mean now wtf is up with that?
We seem to be getting closer and closer to resembling our neigbours,and this is what we've been dreading. Our government is run by liars, traitors, fraudsters, thieves, basically all the corrupt people are housed here... in the papers almost every day for some or other accusation... And then they want us to vote for them?
I mean now a person should feel safe and trust the Government but when they are called upon to defend their actions, we as people worry. Im sorry, i will not vote for the now ruling party to run another term with their new president.
Im all for change, dont get me wrong, I love good change, not bad change, im for peace, equality, especially the newly formed party and their objectives and goals, i admire the party reps for making the break-away from the very influencial dominating party, i applaud them, maybe this new party will serve a very good purpose and actually see to the needs of the people instead of sitting on their behinds, reaping the benefits of being in powerful positions.
I do not hate my country, I LOVE THIS PLACE... thats the only reason why it frustrates me to see the well-being and future of this beautiful land being held in the hands of complete idiots.
So as for voting, i might just register to vote in the elections next year, my 1 vote might just help give the break-away party the edge over the ones that got us in this mess in the first place.
Voter registrations was open last week... did u even notice? to be honest I know alot about politics in this country, but I chose not to remember it was registration. I purposely blocked it from my brain... why? cos it really doesnt not matter if I vote or not... atleast thats what i thought.
If anyone has been following our politics, everyone should know how messy this country has been lately, im talking bout break-away parties, government asking the president to resign without completing his presidency term which ends next year, i mean now wtf is up with that?
We seem to be getting closer and closer to resembling our neigbours,and this is what we've been dreading. Our government is run by liars, traitors, fraudsters, thieves, basically all the corrupt people are housed here... in the papers almost every day for some or other accusation... And then they want us to vote for them?
I mean now a person should feel safe and trust the Government but when they are called upon to defend their actions, we as people worry. Im sorry, i will not vote for the now ruling party to run another term with their new president.
Im all for change, dont get me wrong, I love good change, not bad change, im for peace, equality, especially the newly formed party and their objectives and goals, i admire the party reps for making the break-away from the very influencial dominating party, i applaud them, maybe this new party will serve a very good purpose and actually see to the needs of the people instead of sitting on their behinds, reaping the benefits of being in powerful positions.
I do not hate my country, I LOVE THIS PLACE... thats the only reason why it frustrates me to see the well-being and future of this beautiful land being held in the hands of complete idiots.
So as for voting, i might just register to vote in the elections next year, my 1 vote might just help give the break-away party the edge over the ones that got us in this mess in the first place.
Happy to be here
Truth is, I wouldnt be anywhere else in the world right now.
What spurred this thought? well recent events had me thinking... and Lord do i think alot...sometimes its so random, that it doesnt even make sense, but point is i think alot...
A few of my friends are expecting.... expecting what? well i hope not aliens or dogs or even worse shoes... babies i hope they fart out babies... pretty ones...
ok ok i know i shouldnt say that
but hey,
i gotta take that kids shopping and on play dates and watch them grow up and cry when with them when their heart gets broken for the first time, its my job, im going to be friend aunty, does that even make sense.
Im especially excited bout 1 lil girly thats coming... i hope she grows up to be just like her momma, if she does, shes gonna be one rocking kid, id take her everywhere...to the beach..(wait her momma dont do large quantities of h20 which means she wont either) so on second thought, i'll take her everywhere but the big water...
We'll go to the mall, buy shoes and clothes then go look at the boys and i'll show her how to flirt, the right way, I'll teach her everything i know... how to pick them boys up, how to make them run after your ass, how not to fall for a guy, or well atleast dont show him you did, geez, she'll be my prodigy... ima teach her to be a real heartbreaker and partymaker...
Im so excited... she just gotta get so quickly big so aunty Liz can show her the light.
Shes going to eat alot of curry, that I know cos her daddy a curry ass, but his okay, i like her daddy, he makes her momma really happy...
So from now till whenever i wouldnt wanna go anywhere, i wanna be right here, watching lil G grow into a beautiful lady,just like her momma, i wanna see her the day she gets married and i wanna say out loud...THAT LUCKY BASTARD BETTER LOOK AFTER HER... i wanna be there... i wanna be here... theres no place in this world id rather be right now...
And well the rest of the friends babies will have to take the second and third stand on the pedistal cos number 1 will always be lil G.
What spurred this thought? well recent events had me thinking... and Lord do i think alot...sometimes its so random, that it doesnt even make sense, but point is i think alot...
A few of my friends are expecting.... expecting what? well i hope not aliens or dogs or even worse shoes... babies i hope they fart out babies... pretty ones...
ok ok i know i shouldnt say that
but hey,
i gotta take that kids shopping and on play dates and watch them grow up and cry when with them when their heart gets broken for the first time, its my job, im going to be friend aunty, does that even make sense.
Im especially excited bout 1 lil girly thats coming... i hope she grows up to be just like her momma, if she does, shes gonna be one rocking kid, id take her everywhere...to the beach..(wait her momma dont do large quantities of h20 which means she wont either) so on second thought, i'll take her everywhere but the big water...
We'll go to the mall, buy shoes and clothes then go look at the boys and i'll show her how to flirt, the right way, I'll teach her everything i know... how to pick them boys up, how to make them run after your ass, how not to fall for a guy, or well atleast dont show him you did, geez, she'll be my prodigy... ima teach her to be a real heartbreaker and partymaker...
Im so excited... she just gotta get so quickly big so aunty Liz can show her the light.
Shes going to eat alot of curry, that I know cos her daddy a curry ass, but his okay, i like her daddy, he makes her momma really happy...
So from now till whenever i wouldnt wanna go anywhere, i wanna be right here, watching lil G grow into a beautiful lady,just like her momma, i wanna see her the day she gets married and i wanna say out loud...THAT LUCKY BASTARD BETTER LOOK AFTER HER... i wanna be there... i wanna be here... theres no place in this world id rather be right now...
And well the rest of the friends babies will have to take the second and third stand on the pedistal cos number 1 will always be lil G.
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