Yesterday, was so amazing
It was a really nice day, i mean the sun came to visit properly, for the entire day, he's been absent for a really long time, I think he still thinks its winter. But it came to visit, and when we saw how beautiful the day was gonna be, we fled to the beach... the hole city was at the beach yesterday.
Its normal here, people just love to braai and swim and lay in the sun and get really drunk LOL... Thats how our people enjoy themselves. and when they really intoxicated they are so confident that they swim better, and well thats another story, cos usually it ends up with almost drownings. the lifeguards get soooo pissed off.
anyway, we packed up early, got all the things in order, and left... just me and the family. it was so nice... we never do things as a family, we basically live past eachother, so when we do do things, we try to make it really fun and treasure it. we never really know when we get the chance again.
My lil nephew had his first visit to the beach, his 6months old... i love that kid... he keeps you so busy, but i like it. we took him to the water in his lil batman swimsuit, lol, he looked so cute. he screamed like hell when his foot touched the water...bang gat- i think he belongs with Gia- but it was fun.
All the drunkards were in the tidle pool... i just looked at them from a distance, there was no way i was gonna play lifeguard... if they wanna drown, let them.. no-one almost died while we were there.
Instead I played for the other team... I was sober... then i swam, then i drank... lol... a day at the beach isnt a right day without the booze. I laid around the rest of the day...i actually missed x baby daddy, he woulda braaid and we woulda found a deserted spot and make out, woulda been fun, but he was somewhere...
I had such a lovely day... but my nephew got kinda real sick and was rushed to hospital during the night... not a good end to a beautiful day... but he will be ok, and thats all that matters.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
MXIT lows
i like mxit...no wait i love mxit...
It connects me to all my favourite people... Gia especially, I cant survive a day without talking to her, i will die...
But theres just some thing that really pisses me off about the site itself...
1. The famous "DC"- I hate being dc- u right in the middle of an important, life and death convo and boom...just like that it shuts u out... by the time u get back on, that person doesnt wanna repeat themselves, they lost all interest in u by then...that sucks...
2. People just dotn get it... If i delete you, dont re-invite me. What is the point, i deleted you for a reason, dont come acting as if we old buddies or worse...pretend u dont know who i am... that annoys me
3. There nothing worse than logging in and u have a pending invite from someone you've deleted. U know what I do... I ignore u... that way, u cant re-invite me again... haha
4. ooh, another thing i hate is being sent a message by mistake... cmon now, i dont wanna be reading your skanky convos with other people, get it right...
5. point 4 is sometimes done purposely, just because people tend to wanna say something to you but dont have the guts then they pretend they telling someone else...now that so MATURE hey.
6. Spreading of contacts... Guys are the worse.. they always tend to give your contact to their friends... i hate it... if i wanted your friends to invite me i would have said so... keeping up with me dudes????
7. Multimixes are cool, just dont get boring on me... sometimes u find the worse people in the multimix and they just think they are so cool...
and most importantly
8. guys suck... they use mxit to pick up girls...they the smoothest things on the block on mxit...but meet them then they cant even say two words to ya... Geez thst works on my nerves...
And those are the things i hate about mxit...
It connects me to all my favourite people... Gia especially, I cant survive a day without talking to her, i will die...
But theres just some thing that really pisses me off about the site itself...
1. The famous "DC"- I hate being dc- u right in the middle of an important, life and death convo and boom...just like that it shuts u out... by the time u get back on, that person doesnt wanna repeat themselves, they lost all interest in u by then...that sucks...
2. People just dotn get it... If i delete you, dont re-invite me. What is the point, i deleted you for a reason, dont come acting as if we old buddies or worse...pretend u dont know who i am... that annoys me
3. There nothing worse than logging in and u have a pending invite from someone you've deleted. U know what I do... I ignore u... that way, u cant re-invite me again... haha
4. ooh, another thing i hate is being sent a message by mistake... cmon now, i dont wanna be reading your skanky convos with other people, get it right...
5. point 4 is sometimes done purposely, just because people tend to wanna say something to you but dont have the guts then they pretend they telling someone else...now that so MATURE hey.
6. Spreading of contacts... Guys are the worse.. they always tend to give your contact to their friends... i hate it... if i wanted your friends to invite me i would have said so... keeping up with me dudes????
7. Multimixes are cool, just dont get boring on me... sometimes u find the worse people in the multimix and they just think they are so cool...
and most importantly
8. guys suck... they use mxit to pick up girls...they the smoothest things on the block on mxit...but meet them then they cant even say two words to ya... Geez thst works on my nerves...
And those are the things i hate about mxit...
Political Turmoil
Who is planning to vote next year?
Voter registrations was open last week... did u even notice? to be honest I know alot about politics in this country, but I chose not to remember it was registration. I purposely blocked it from my brain... why? cos it really doesnt not matter if I vote or not... atleast thats what i thought.
If anyone has been following our politics, everyone should know how messy this country has been lately, im talking bout break-away parties, government asking the president to resign without completing his presidency term which ends next year, i mean now wtf is up with that?
We seem to be getting closer and closer to resembling our neigbours,and this is what we've been dreading. Our government is run by liars, traitors, fraudsters, thieves, basically all the corrupt people are housed here... in the papers almost every day for some or other accusation... And then they want us to vote for them?
I mean now a person should feel safe and trust the Government but when they are called upon to defend their actions, we as people worry. Im sorry, i will not vote for the now ruling party to run another term with their new president.
Im all for change, dont get me wrong, I love good change, not bad change, im for peace, equality, especially the newly formed party and their objectives and goals, i admire the party reps for making the break-away from the very influencial dominating party, i applaud them, maybe this new party will serve a very good purpose and actually see to the needs of the people instead of sitting on their behinds, reaping the benefits of being in powerful positions.
I do not hate my country, I LOVE THIS PLACE... thats the only reason why it frustrates me to see the well-being and future of this beautiful land being held in the hands of complete idiots.
So as for voting, i might just register to vote in the elections next year, my 1 vote might just help give the break-away party the edge over the ones that got us in this mess in the first place.
Voter registrations was open last week... did u even notice? to be honest I know alot about politics in this country, but I chose not to remember it was registration. I purposely blocked it from my brain... why? cos it really doesnt not matter if I vote or not... atleast thats what i thought.
If anyone has been following our politics, everyone should know how messy this country has been lately, im talking bout break-away parties, government asking the president to resign without completing his presidency term which ends next year, i mean now wtf is up with that?
We seem to be getting closer and closer to resembling our neigbours,and this is what we've been dreading. Our government is run by liars, traitors, fraudsters, thieves, basically all the corrupt people are housed here... in the papers almost every day for some or other accusation... And then they want us to vote for them?
I mean now a person should feel safe and trust the Government but when they are called upon to defend their actions, we as people worry. Im sorry, i will not vote for the now ruling party to run another term with their new president.
Im all for change, dont get me wrong, I love good change, not bad change, im for peace, equality, especially the newly formed party and their objectives and goals, i admire the party reps for making the break-away from the very influencial dominating party, i applaud them, maybe this new party will serve a very good purpose and actually see to the needs of the people instead of sitting on their behinds, reaping the benefits of being in powerful positions.
I do not hate my country, I LOVE THIS PLACE... thats the only reason why it frustrates me to see the well-being and future of this beautiful land being held in the hands of complete idiots.
So as for voting, i might just register to vote in the elections next year, my 1 vote might just help give the break-away party the edge over the ones that got us in this mess in the first place.
Happy to be here
Truth is, I wouldnt be anywhere else in the world right now.
What spurred this thought? well recent events had me thinking... and Lord do i think alot...sometimes its so random, that it doesnt even make sense, but point is i think alot...
A few of my friends are expecting.... expecting what? well i hope not aliens or dogs or even worse shoes... babies i hope they fart out babies... pretty ones...
ok ok i know i shouldnt say that
but hey,
i gotta take that kids shopping and on play dates and watch them grow up and cry when with them when their heart gets broken for the first time, its my job, im going to be friend aunty, does that even make sense.
Im especially excited bout 1 lil girly thats coming... i hope she grows up to be just like her momma, if she does, shes gonna be one rocking kid, id take her everywhere...to the beach..(wait her momma dont do large quantities of h20 which means she wont either) so on second thought, i'll take her everywhere but the big water...
We'll go to the mall, buy shoes and clothes then go look at the boys and i'll show her how to flirt, the right way, I'll teach her everything i know... how to pick them boys up, how to make them run after your ass, how not to fall for a guy, or well atleast dont show him you did, geez, she'll be my prodigy... ima teach her to be a real heartbreaker and partymaker...
Im so excited... she just gotta get so quickly big so aunty Liz can show her the light.
Shes going to eat alot of curry, that I know cos her daddy a curry ass, but his okay, i like her daddy, he makes her momma really happy...
So from now till whenever i wouldnt wanna go anywhere, i wanna be right here, watching lil G grow into a beautiful lady,just like her momma, i wanna see her the day she gets married and i wanna say out loud...THAT LUCKY BASTARD BETTER LOOK AFTER HER... i wanna be there... i wanna be here... theres no place in this world id rather be right now...
And well the rest of the friends babies will have to take the second and third stand on the pedistal cos number 1 will always be lil G.
What spurred this thought? well recent events had me thinking... and Lord do i think alot...sometimes its so random, that it doesnt even make sense, but point is i think alot...
A few of my friends are expecting.... expecting what? well i hope not aliens or dogs or even worse shoes... babies i hope they fart out babies... pretty ones...
ok ok i know i shouldnt say that
but hey,
i gotta take that kids shopping and on play dates and watch them grow up and cry when with them when their heart gets broken for the first time, its my job, im going to be friend aunty, does that even make sense.
Im especially excited bout 1 lil girly thats coming... i hope she grows up to be just like her momma, if she does, shes gonna be one rocking kid, id take her everywhere...to the beach..(wait her momma dont do large quantities of h20 which means she wont either) so on second thought, i'll take her everywhere but the big water...
We'll go to the mall, buy shoes and clothes then go look at the boys and i'll show her how to flirt, the right way, I'll teach her everything i know... how to pick them boys up, how to make them run after your ass, how not to fall for a guy, or well atleast dont show him you did, geez, she'll be my prodigy... ima teach her to be a real heartbreaker and partymaker...
Im so excited... she just gotta get so quickly big so aunty Liz can show her the light.
Shes going to eat alot of curry, that I know cos her daddy a curry ass, but his okay, i like her daddy, he makes her momma really happy...
So from now till whenever i wouldnt wanna go anywhere, i wanna be right here, watching lil G grow into a beautiful lady,just like her momma, i wanna see her the day she gets married and i wanna say out loud...THAT LUCKY BASTARD BETTER LOOK AFTER HER... i wanna be there... i wanna be here... theres no place in this world id rather be right now...
And well the rest of the friends babies will have to take the second and third stand on the pedistal cos number 1 will always be lil G.
I attract the odd ones!
Ive had an interesting week so far.
Me and X baby daddy are on good terms, but i cant help but wonder for how long.
Things have always been up and down with us. Gia finds our relationship amusing. I do to...I admit it although I dont like to. Its like I thrive on complications and troubled people. Its true i swear, I tend to be drawn to the men who have problems as long as a lil kids Christmas lists.
X baby Daddy (geez he so needs a new name-any suggestions) for example, he's had one of those really abnormal and insanely traumatic childhoods. he was raised by his Dad, as his mom remarried and put him on a train for almost 16hours,all by himself, at the age of 6 to live with his dad coz she didnt want him to grow up seeing how her hubby beat her up and ofcourse him being caught in the middle.
He saw it though. I admire her for loving him that much to send him away, where he had a chance to grow up in a healthy environment opposed to the emotional torture he went through living with her.
he was given this chance by Mr Principle (his dad). I call him this because he was always hectic on his principles that he tried to instill in his kids, even the outsiders like me, i was treated like his kid, he even scolded me at times. lol. the good old days.
Anyway, im so so off the point. So Im drawn to these people. Im a quite stable person, I know what I want in life and who I want and when I want it,most of the time i just like defying my goals and well rebel but im quite stable, obviously things dont always go the way u always plan, u end up with a broken heart, a lost friendship, but it all makes your character stronger right?
Losing someone special and the one u thought ud spend your life with isnt easy, i lost him a long ago and since then we've been on the looping star, turning us upside down, then round and round and somehow, we like lil dogs that always find there way back.
Ive asked him many times, why cant u just leave me alone and move on with your life?
His answer always remains the same , "its not me,its my heart"
but heres the q, if its his heart, why keep defying it?
anyhoo... he is troubled and somehow i think i always wanna help the troublesome, ive always been doing this, i just cant help myself.
Troubled people+ Liz = hey i dunno, i just love them.
Me and X baby daddy are on good terms, but i cant help but wonder for how long.
Things have always been up and down with us. Gia finds our relationship amusing. I do to...I admit it although I dont like to. Its like I thrive on complications and troubled people. Its true i swear, I tend to be drawn to the men who have problems as long as a lil kids Christmas lists.
X baby Daddy (geez he so needs a new name-any suggestions) for example, he's had one of those really abnormal and insanely traumatic childhoods. he was raised by his Dad, as his mom remarried and put him on a train for almost 16hours,all by himself, at the age of 6 to live with his dad coz she didnt want him to grow up seeing how her hubby beat her up and ofcourse him being caught in the middle.
He saw it though. I admire her for loving him that much to send him away, where he had a chance to grow up in a healthy environment opposed to the emotional torture he went through living with her.
he was given this chance by Mr Principle (his dad). I call him this because he was always hectic on his principles that he tried to instill in his kids, even the outsiders like me, i was treated like his kid, he even scolded me at times. lol. the good old days.
Anyway, im so so off the point. So Im drawn to these people. Im a quite stable person, I know what I want in life and who I want and when I want it,most of the time i just like defying my goals and well rebel but im quite stable, obviously things dont always go the way u always plan, u end up with a broken heart, a lost friendship, but it all makes your character stronger right?
Losing someone special and the one u thought ud spend your life with isnt easy, i lost him a long ago and since then we've been on the looping star, turning us upside down, then round and round and somehow, we like lil dogs that always find there way back.
Ive asked him many times, why cant u just leave me alone and move on with your life?
His answer always remains the same , "its not me,its my heart"
but heres the q, if its his heart, why keep defying it?
anyhoo... he is troubled and somehow i think i always wanna help the troublesome, ive always been doing this, i just cant help myself.
Troubled people+ Liz = hey i dunno, i just love them.
Sabotage me? I dont think so!!!
Someone is trying to sabotage me...
It annoys the shit out of me... cos she just wont get it right... I am greatness, no-one destroys the all time Liz the great. cmon now, I just wont allow it.
People just dont get it... they've all tried it before...and no-one has succeeded, what makes her think that i will allow her to ruin me... fuck that shit!
Heres what happened. My job is writing, words are my life and therefore getting paid maintains all the very expensive habits I have.
The newspaper went public wednesday, and to my surprize, mistakes, errors on two pages... articles i wrote... i nearly died, i never do anything incomplete. Im not known for sloppy work and this is exactly what dragon lady yelled at me.
To make matters worse... a local radio station had a go at the article live on air. now that sent my BP through the roof. I looked like a complete idiot.
But heres the twist. when investigating, i came across that only one of the three editions was tampered with, and i mean now it doesnt take a genius to realise what had happened. The biatch tampered with my work...
Dragon lady had a fit... i was labelled incompetent and the biatch sat there laughing.
REVENGE IS SWEET...watch out biatch, i return the favour ten fold...
I mean now Im Liz and Im fabulous!
It annoys the shit out of me... cos she just wont get it right... I am greatness, no-one destroys the all time Liz the great. cmon now, I just wont allow it.
People just dont get it... they've all tried it before...and no-one has succeeded, what makes her think that i will allow her to ruin me... fuck that shit!
Heres what happened. My job is writing, words are my life and therefore getting paid maintains all the very expensive habits I have.
The newspaper went public wednesday, and to my surprize, mistakes, errors on two pages... articles i wrote... i nearly died, i never do anything incomplete. Im not known for sloppy work and this is exactly what dragon lady yelled at me.
To make matters worse... a local radio station had a go at the article live on air. now that sent my BP through the roof. I looked like a complete idiot.
But heres the twist. when investigating, i came across that only one of the three editions was tampered with, and i mean now it doesnt take a genius to realise what had happened. The biatch tampered with my work...
Dragon lady had a fit... i was labelled incompetent and the biatch sat there laughing.
REVENGE IS SWEET...watch out biatch, i return the favour ten fold...
I mean now Im Liz and Im fabulous!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wishful thinking
Saturday Doctor calls me in, you know the usual drama following a "M"
But somehow I couldnt help it but be hopeful. The blood tests would determine viability of the pregnancy, and there might still be a chance that the foetus would survive.
Well thats all the technical jargon.
So anyway, I do the blood tests along with some others. The pathologist struggled to find veins with blood. it really took ages to fill the 7 tubes. they kept looking for new veins, in the process leaving me bruised and stiff armed.
I met the doc back at his consultation rooms at 12.
I knew Baby T was no longer, but i opted for being positive, cause thats what evryones been telling me.
well i should have just stayed home, coz what he told me dampened my spirits... The tissue that was left didnt even equate to a two week preg so its all over...
Somehow what followed didnt even surprise me. There was a chromosol problem. blah blah blah. I wasnt even interested in what he was saying, all i could think about was my lil black dot and how she just disappeared. but i picked up on the last part though...
"we're booking you into hospital, your iron level are really low and you hardly have blood in your system, its really low"
So sometime this week, i'll be sorting out all my "system" problems.
But the weirdest thing ever for me was leaving the docs, i walked to my car, and felt my tummy cramp, much like the cramps I had when i was preg... i put my hand on my stomach, rubbed it alil and sat there...
I missed my lil black dot, I craved for her presence. I longed for all the cravings and nausea she gave me. I wished she was there, somehow she made me feel better.
I still miss her like crazy...
But somehow I couldnt help it but be hopeful. The blood tests would determine viability of the pregnancy, and there might still be a chance that the foetus would survive.
Well thats all the technical jargon.
So anyway, I do the blood tests along with some others. The pathologist struggled to find veins with blood. it really took ages to fill the 7 tubes. they kept looking for new veins, in the process leaving me bruised and stiff armed.
I met the doc back at his consultation rooms at 12.
I knew Baby T was no longer, but i opted for being positive, cause thats what evryones been telling me.
well i should have just stayed home, coz what he told me dampened my spirits... The tissue that was left didnt even equate to a two week preg so its all over...
Somehow what followed didnt even surprise me. There was a chromosol problem. blah blah blah. I wasnt even interested in what he was saying, all i could think about was my lil black dot and how she just disappeared. but i picked up on the last part though...
"we're booking you into hospital, your iron level are really low and you hardly have blood in your system, its really low"
So sometime this week, i'll be sorting out all my "system" problems.
But the weirdest thing ever for me was leaving the docs, i walked to my car, and felt my tummy cramp, much like the cramps I had when i was preg... i put my hand on my stomach, rubbed it alil and sat there...
I missed my lil black dot, I craved for her presence. I longed for all the cravings and nausea she gave me. I wished she was there, somehow she made me feel better.
I still miss her like crazy...
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Mourning my loss
I AM NOT OKAY!!
Im not quite sure if I should abandon the blog or not...im contemplating it, coz frankly there is nothing to write about anymore, especially surrounding the title of it.
Yesterday, i lost my baby...my lil black dot... and even though it wasnt fully formed, it was my baby, that just disapeared just like that.
Here's how the day went...
I woke up that morning with bleeding, and knowing its not a good sign, i decided to go see the doctor. I called him, he advised me to be there at 9. I knew that moment that things were not okay, baby T was not okay. But being me, i shrugged it off and made my way over there.
there was about 2 people before me, and as i sat waiting to hear the fate of my baby, i couldnt help but talk to her. the words still ringing in my head, "dont worry baby T, you ok, you'll be such a pretty baby, ima take good care of you."
And even though i knew she wasnt fully formed, i love her, she became my reason for believing, for reason to smile.
Anyway, when it was my turn to go in, my stomach started turning as if i was on a rollercoaster, i suddenly felt all wobbly and jelly-like. I knew something wasnt right.
This is how the convo went with my Doc:
I woke up this moring bleeding and I dont know if its normal
"No its not normal" (he picks up the phone and tells Priscilla to get me on the scanner right away...)
Im shivering by then, he didnt look to assuring, too happy either
I wait for him in the scanning room, so many thoughts run through my head, all the what ifs and how comes fill me with emptiness...
By the time he appeared my heart had sunken into a state of depression.
Quickly i hopped on the bed, he applied the gel and started the scan
After a while he looks at me with the saddest face ever,
"I dont have very good news for you, its clear that you had a miscarriage"
When i heard those words, my heart fell, i couldnt stop the tears from rolling, i couldnt stop the hurt, the pain i was feeling, its my fault, how could i let this happen.
He gives me a hug and tells me
"Come in on saturday, we'll do the scan again, theres still some residual tissue left but im not sure if it can still make it, lets see on saturday,"
Not even those words were comforting... nothing could comfort me now...
I couldnt wait to get out of that place. I head for my car, tears now visibly rolling and speed off... at that moment i was so mad so upset I almost ran a woman over.
I needed someone, anyone
I head up to a friend, run to the bathroom, and right there fall to the floor, I couldnt help myself... I just couldnt help feeling so worthless and empty.
I just wanted my baby back...
The physical pain through the rest of the day, was nothing compared to the emotional turmoil my heart was going through. It felt like daggers stabbign into my heart, still does.
What did I do to deserve that????
The tears just dont stop, the pain is still too real.
I still love my lil black dot, and someday i'll be ok but right now, its a far and distant cry...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The lil dot
Saturday morning I had the sudden urge to go hava look at the growing thingamajig in my tummy, (it cant be termed a baby yet cos its just an embryo), so thats exactly what I did...
Arriving at the doctors was a nervewrecking experience on its own, why you may ask???? well, i was all by myself (didnt wanna tell baby daddy im going, cos well i didnt want him there), then its my family doctor, so I had to make real sure I was well informed regarding the patient doctor confidentiality thing, cant have him leaking the dirt during the next familia check up you know...
I dont even know why I really didnt tell baby daddy I was going, coz 1, he would have loved the experience and 2, since my first post about him, we were kinda mending things, being civil and talking bout everything surrounding the baby and somehow I felt releaved knowing we would could do this together.
I know i know, sometimes its all wishful thinking but he really wants to be involved in Baby T's life, so maybe for now Im just giving him the benfit of the doubt...
Ok well im so off the point now...
focus...focus...
So anyhoo... I was kept waiting for almost an hour as the consultation room was rather full and well people just tend to love my doctor... i swear, there aint one day that place is actually empty except on days that he goes to court...for what you ask??? I have no idea... but I think he does all those injury case for the accident fund...come on know those ones... when you involved in a accident and your doctor makes up all these fake injuries so that you can benefit from the road accident fund... well anyway...
So Im sitting there right, and this indian chick and her 3year old boy scoots next to me, throughout this awkward seating her son has this bogey in his nose that he keeps playing with, nasty i tell ya. he looks me in the eyes and sticks his finger up his mucous filled nose and digs right in.. i swear if it was a diamond mine, he'd be an instant billionaire. I almost puked. But hey, they just kids right?
When the receptionist finally called my name, i jumped up, most releaved I could get away from the diamond digger.
Walking into the docs room, he looks at me and laughs... this is how the convo went...
"So doc, tell me, how does this patient doc confidentiality thing work?"
"Well basically you tell me and I shut up..." (with this smiling what have you done look)
"Ok if thats the case (i pause)... Im pregnant...i know I am, Ive got the symptoms, Ive got three tests to prove it but i just wanna know how far I am."
"Ok.. what have you decided?" (now he's making me real edgy, he has this disappointed look on his face)
"Ive decided to keep her, and thats all there is to it"
"Ok lets get you on the scanner and determine the pregnancy and take it from there"
And that was it... that small gesture of disappointment ended right there...and im glad...
I go through to the scan room and basically I sat there with my thoughts for almost half an hour as he attended to the last 2 patients.
But this was enough time for me to called "my life support-GIA" so she can get her ass over there and experience this with me...
I pace round the room up and down, somehow i was really nervous, i cursed her a few times for taking that long, but when she rocked up.. i was somewhat relieved.. just that assuring smile, you know the one that just tells you alls gonna be ok... yeah that one, when i saw it i relaxed, somewhat...
So now the moment arrives, well after some more waiting and stressing, doc walks in, asks me to lie down. the coldness of the scanning gel makes me even more nervous. by this time i could almost die of excitement, even had nausea which i kept to myself.
he continues talking the hole time, and basically it would have been better if he just kept real quiet but anyhoo...
GIA peers over his shoulder trying to see whatever it was they were looking at. but every so often looks my way. And there it is.. the lil black dot...
"Theres a sac... let me just measure it..." doc looks at me does his measurements and says, 5weeks 6days...
I felt like I was about to collapse, All the feelings I was experiencing was incredible. I looked at the screen again and agan... tears there just not visible... there she was... MOMS LIL BLACK DOT
Arriving at the doctors was a nervewrecking experience on its own, why you may ask???? well, i was all by myself (didnt wanna tell baby daddy im going, cos well i didnt want him there), then its my family doctor, so I had to make real sure I was well informed regarding the patient doctor confidentiality thing, cant have him leaking the dirt during the next familia check up you know...
I dont even know why I really didnt tell baby daddy I was going, coz 1, he would have loved the experience and 2, since my first post about him, we were kinda mending things, being civil and talking bout everything surrounding the baby and somehow I felt releaved knowing we would could do this together.
I know i know, sometimes its all wishful thinking but he really wants to be involved in Baby T's life, so maybe for now Im just giving him the benfit of the doubt...
Ok well im so off the point now...
focus...focus...
So anyhoo... I was kept waiting for almost an hour as the consultation room was rather full and well people just tend to love my doctor... i swear, there aint one day that place is actually empty except on days that he goes to court...for what you ask??? I have no idea... but I think he does all those injury case for the accident fund...come on know those ones... when you involved in a accident and your doctor makes up all these fake injuries so that you can benefit from the road accident fund... well anyway...
So Im sitting there right, and this indian chick and her 3year old boy scoots next to me, throughout this awkward seating her son has this bogey in his nose that he keeps playing with, nasty i tell ya. he looks me in the eyes and sticks his finger up his mucous filled nose and digs right in.. i swear if it was a diamond mine, he'd be an instant billionaire. I almost puked. But hey, they just kids right?
When the receptionist finally called my name, i jumped up, most releaved I could get away from the diamond digger.
Walking into the docs room, he looks at me and laughs... this is how the convo went...
"So doc, tell me, how does this patient doc confidentiality thing work?"
"Well basically you tell me and I shut up..." (with this smiling what have you done look)
"Ok if thats the case (i pause)... Im pregnant...i know I am, Ive got the symptoms, Ive got three tests to prove it but i just wanna know how far I am."
"Ok.. what have you decided?" (now he's making me real edgy, he has this disappointed look on his face)
"Ive decided to keep her, and thats all there is to it"
"Ok lets get you on the scanner and determine the pregnancy and take it from there"
And that was it... that small gesture of disappointment ended right there...and im glad...
I go through to the scan room and basically I sat there with my thoughts for almost half an hour as he attended to the last 2 patients.
But this was enough time for me to called "my life support-GIA" so she can get her ass over there and experience this with me...
I pace round the room up and down, somehow i was really nervous, i cursed her a few times for taking that long, but when she rocked up.. i was somewhat relieved.. just that assuring smile, you know the one that just tells you alls gonna be ok... yeah that one, when i saw it i relaxed, somewhat...
So now the moment arrives, well after some more waiting and stressing, doc walks in, asks me to lie down. the coldness of the scanning gel makes me even more nervous. by this time i could almost die of excitement, even had nausea which i kept to myself.
he continues talking the hole time, and basically it would have been better if he just kept real quiet but anyhoo...
GIA peers over his shoulder trying to see whatever it was they were looking at. but every so often looks my way. And there it is.. the lil black dot...
"Theres a sac... let me just measure it..." doc looks at me does his measurements and says, 5weeks 6days...
I felt like I was about to collapse, All the feelings I was experiencing was incredible. I looked at the screen again and agan... tears there just not visible... there she was... MOMS LIL BLACK DOT
My Apologies
According to a very concerned follower (GIA), i've been neglecting my blog a lil, well I know this.
But because I think its rather rude to just disappear for a really long time (a few days), i think everyone deserves an explaination... well not really, im just being nice...lol... i play...
Well you see, thing is, everyone knows what exams are like, and I mean now, its my all time ultimate finals, so last thing im thinking of is updating my blog... although i love writing and all. Ive just been so busy trying to focus and get all the theory in my brain that I seemed to have traded my writing skills for studying ones for now...
But today I'll catch up... alot has been happening... and it'll all be recorded during the day... Till then dont worry, I am alive!!!
But because I think its rather rude to just disappear for a really long time (a few days), i think everyone deserves an explaination... well not really, im just being nice...lol... i play...
Well you see, thing is, everyone knows what exams are like, and I mean now, its my all time ultimate finals, so last thing im thinking of is updating my blog... although i love writing and all. Ive just been so busy trying to focus and get all the theory in my brain that I seemed to have traded my writing skills for studying ones for now...
But today I'll catch up... alot has been happening... and it'll all be recorded during the day... Till then dont worry, I am alive!!!
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