Wishful thinking

Saturday Doctor calls me in, you know the usual drama following a "M"
But somehow I couldnt help it but be hopeful. The blood tests would determine viability of the pregnancy, and there might still be a chance that the foetus would survive.

Well thats all the technical jargon.

So anyway, I do the blood tests along with some others. The pathologist struggled to find veins with blood. it really took ages to fill the 7 tubes. they kept looking for new veins, in the process leaving me bruised and stiff armed.

I met the doc back at his consultation rooms at 12.

I knew Baby T was no longer, but i opted for being positive, cause thats what evryones been telling me.

well i should have just stayed home, coz what he told me dampened my spirits... The tissue that was left didnt even equate to a two week preg so its all over...

Somehow what followed didnt even surprise me. There was a chromosol problem. blah blah blah. I wasnt even interested in what he was saying, all i could think about was my lil black dot and how she just disappeared. but i picked up on the last part though...

"we're booking you into hospital, your iron level are really low and you hardly have blood in your system, its really low"

So sometime this week, i'll be sorting out all my "system" problems.

But the weirdest thing ever for me was leaving the docs, i walked to my car, and felt my tummy cramp, much like the cramps I had when i was preg... i put my hand on my stomach, rubbed it alil and sat there...

I missed my lil black dot, I craved for her presence. I longed for all the cravings and nausea she gave me. I wished she was there, somehow she made me feel better.

I still miss her like crazy...